13 Nov 2008

Sorry to disappoint you. I do not have pictures for the day as it was one of the darkest day in my life since 2006 (as far as i can remember).

Started my day at 6.20am. But I know that my body is about to surrender. Cos I have been sleeping an average of 3 - 4 hrs a day for the past 4 weeks. Attended my BNI meeting. Wow!!! I managed to generate 4 referrals overnite. I hold my energy well and still able to function properly. But it was totally a mental game I am playing with myself.

The nightmare began at 2.30pm. I went into a meeting without knowing that I am expected to do a full system demostration. So, I has to boot up my computer and present the interfaces to the Director one by one and allow him to question me on my understanding.


Well, in most cases, I can handle it well but without any mental preparation and that I was not feeling well recently, I actually felt the pressure suddenly. This 2 hrs meeting turnout to be 3 hrs and I am late for the next meeting. So, I have to rush to fulfil yet another responsibility.

Without unloading my mind from the last meeting, I was then presented with some changes in a system design and put my 3 days effort into waste. Of course, the triggering point was my wife chatting me and asking me what time can she come down to the city. Frankly, in most cases, she is free to go to the city. In fact, she shouldn't even need to ask me. But, once she reach the city, she will have an expectation on me to quickly finish my work and join her for dinner.

Looking at the situation. Huge load on my mind, design changes and I haven't got any idea what to do and also a couple of deadline coming up. I just dunno how to answer this question anymore. I practically cannot think and cannot communicate. So, I decided to let it off and shut down all my communications. Off my notebook, off my handphone and sat there to cool off.


Frankly, is not her fault. I know it is just a very simple question. But maybe when this same question has been asked so many times, the expectation built up became so huge for me to shoulder. I was so afraid that when she arrive in the city before I finish my work it will be another hell for me. I am really not in the condition to take another blow.

I left my client's place at 9.00pm and drove to SPRING Singapore to drop off a document. Frankly, I have not really recovered. So to avoid her being my victim, cos I really dun know what I will say when I am emotional. I drove to VIVO and sat at Starbuck for a while. Soon, I regain my confidence and control. I felt the energy within me once more. I start to think positively and is time to go home. Yes, my dark moment was over!!!!

Reached home at 11pm and my life continue from there.


Lucky for me, I was quite close to this customer, I am sure they will understand. My emotion was all written on the face. Sorry guys, I know I have kept all of you worried.